Just yesterday, I spoke with a couple of friends who are going through very rough times. The details of their problems are completely unrelated to one another in 3D time and space. It is not my place to relay the problems of others on Facebook. Yet I want to talk about the source of the issue because the source of their problem has also been the source of much pain in my own life.
We all have a thermostat of love, a comfortable zone where giving and receiving love is possible. When love became too hot (too good), I would unconsciously do and say things to cool things off in the relationship. I would create just enough tension, discord and angst to bring the love temperature back into my comfort zone. I knew exactly how to deflect and disconnect and disengage to live at my love temperature.
When the felt sense of love in my life dropped to a level that I felt was too cold (not good enough), then my automatic love system would kick in to heat up the relationship again. I would be contrite, charming, loving and engaging. I would be just loving enough to get my love thermostat back to my comfort zone.
And this is exactly what I see my friends doing. They are making their love cold, simply to get back into their comfort zone of love. They are employing unconscious actions that hurt themselves and the people around them.
Figuring out where your love thermostat is set and noticing when your desires for love have outgrown your capacity for love is vital for a healthy relationship to yourself and others. You might be sabotaging your relationship without even knowing it. For me, it was learning to accept and receive love and resetting my love thermostat so that I could hold the love I desired in my life.